Mildly Hurtful Sarcasm

Meaningless ranting, just like everybody else.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

My Dad

I want to thank everyone for the out pour of kind words and expressions of condolence. It was an unexpected and saddening event but the family is holding up good with the support of the many friends and family members.

A lot has been said about my dad in the past few weeks (by ways of different media from many different people), most related to his dedication to his profession, his creativity and drive for perfection complimented by his special gift in doing what he did, the contributions he had made to the field and his willingness to mentor budding coworkers; all in all, his amazing charisma and astonishing ability to mingle with just about anybody, brightening their lives with humorous and inspiring words.

But there is another side of my dad that I want to share with you.

The truth is, my dad was a down to earth person, not unlike any regular couch purging family man who habitually drums his oversized belly while snacking and TV’ing after dinner (you know). Fond of food, he demanded varieties and volume on the dinning table, (poor mom had her hands full!) and always preferred extra company around the table, no occasion needed.

But what's unique was his ability to create sweet memories. When I was little he worked Sunday and had Friday off, which he would spend with me. He insisted on shampooing me first (the reasoning still escapes me, I guess he just enjoyed it) after I got back from school and had finished lunch, and then laid me down next to him on my parents bed for a peace afternoon nap.

Our days spent at the beach in the summer were memorable as well. He would carry me on his shoulder when the family ventured into the water and as the waves came roaring (or so it seemed) he would lift me up clear of the splash. In his hands I was always safe from any "devastation".

Dad joked with us kids like friends when we grew older. The 3 minute work day joke ("Dad, you only work 3 minutes a day.") you might have read in the newspaper is true. But I'll let you into a secret, it actually took him years to come up with a come back! (It’s a 10 hour work day, only that I reserve the best 3 for show!) He would also from time to time challenge us with analytical questions of current affairs at the dinning table; we failed miserably most of the time but we learned in the process. That's his version of bringing work home I guess.

Dad had managed to surround himself with friends who have great respect for him, because he was a generous and compassionate person filled with a sense of justice and fearless of authority and danger. I've witnessed it myself on many occasions. Last year at a restaurant in Singapore, an old frail man bussing tables was bullied by a local (whose complain was "he made too much noise"). Indignant at the situation, my dad furiously slammed his palm on the table, stood up and defended the old man by scaring off the bully with loud and unforgiving words. Mom and I panicked and tried frantically to calm him down. I told him not to make a scene, but deep inside, I was so proud of him; I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

People feel funny that I never bragged about my relationship with this celebrity in town. (“I didn’t know you’re his son.” came up a number of times after the news broke.) The truth is, it didn't matter to me he was an idol of many who absolutely adored him, or an innovative pioneer in sports news reporting, knowledgeable, humorous or what not. I love my dad dearly because he was a dedicated father who loved me and provided me with everything I needed, and more. I have great respect for him because he was a just person who never hesitated to stand up for the meek. I am proud of him because he was a moral and honest person who taught me right from wrong with his words and actions; and because of that I can be proud of myself.

But then of course there are regrets on my part. At the night before his passage, a seemingly unending stream of friends filed through the ICU checkpoint, and that was supposedly just the inner circle. We knew he was popular but were quite surprised he was that popular. Having lived apart from my parents for a while, it was only until after reading the many comments on the blog when I realized my dad's addiction to McCafe. All of a sudden every little detail about him became so much more savorable, especially when we were flipping through old albums. I wish I had spent more time with him, more phone calls or emails perhaps.

And that reminded me of my brother's grievance: "Why would such a good person be taken from us so soon." Death is a necessary part of the life cycle on this earth. Losing our love ones is an inevitable eventuality we all know about but so often choose to deny. Everyday we choose to focus on ourselves and brush everything else off for "later". Departure of a love one, though crippling, may very well be God's benevolent reminder of our own mortality; the necessity to not take anything for granted but treasure every second we have with the people around us.

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