Mildly Hurtful Sarcasm

Meaningless ranting, just like everybody else.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

My date with Jennifer Garner

So I had a date with Jennifer Garner, star of my once favorite Alias, outside the Ed Sullivan theater on Broadway today, after her appearance on the Late Show.

Not a date really of course.

She peered carefully out the back door...



... before walking into the magnesium flash light crossfire.



Her hair flew in style and her face radiated a glamorous glow. She moved elegantly in a green dress, commanding the attention and admiration of everyone....



though drowned by autograph requests, she remained cheerful and gracefully entertained all of them...







even finding time to pose with a commoner like myself...



and finally, reluctantly waved goodbye and boarded her big black SUV.



"Jennifer, take me with you." I cried inside, but was left behind with a broken heart watching her entourage drive away.

Labels:

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Giant rodent headmaster

I have always been okay with biology lab, until we were asked of strangulation. I swear to higher powers that for a moment the poor little thing was on his knees pleading desperately for his life, so I conveniently passed on the dirty job to my chubby teammate chubby Chuck. CC still had the piece of cinnamon Dentyne from Tuesday in his big mouth, and a blue Yankee cap from before the team was formed on. That's the type who doesn't give a rat's ass about a rat's ass I reckoned.

A tingly feeling chilled my body, stroke me dizzy, ached my right femur and left me with blurry vision when CC pulled the string and choked the day light out of the little mouse. The white stucco ceiling spun counter clockwise and chaotic voices echoed in my ears while he was gutting our tiny lifeless specimen for the next twenty minutes; I just couldn't concentrate enough to see a thing.

I was rubbing my temple, limping down the hallway after the bell, weary of what had just happened, among kids scrambling for the next class - they all seemingly donned the lab gowns, strange - when the admin waved me in to the office of the principal. Mr. Milk rose from vice principal six years ago and had since carried a Victorian pocket watch in the breast pocket of the same three button black stripe suit he wore to school everyday, annoyingly referred to himself as the headmaster in a faux British accent every chance he had.

I knocked several times on the dark cherry door, no answer, so I nudged it open when a giant gray rat popped from behind the door all of a sudden. Loomed seven feet like a bear with red pupils in Mr. Milk's suit carrying a slice of smelly gouda in one paw and pointed at me with the other, he solemnly and authoritatively declared "You are all dead!"

I dropped all my books, cried mama, turned and ran like six-million-dollar-man on that treadmill down the corridor, pass the wall of lockers, pass everybody in lab gowns, straight to the exit. But when I busted the double door open it wasn't outside. It was a gloomy waiting room of a clinic of some sort.

"The principal..." I hurried up to some busty woman in a nurse outfit "is a big rat..." panting hard and confused, I produced a coherent enough statement.

"Keep quiet and sit down." She instructed indifferently and turned away. When I finally settled on a bench and looked around, I realized what everybody else wearing were not lab gowns, but straitjackets.

That's one uh-oh moment right there.

Labels:

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Give me back my Emmy!

It was amazing that instead of beeping out the profanity, they outright panned out the scene on the Emmy. You can't even make out what Ray Romano said by reading his lips. What the beep?

But the most outrageous part was Sally Field's speech.

If mothers ruled the world, there wouldn't be any god-[damned wars]

Doesn't sound like something that'll bother the FCC, then who gives the right to Fox to censor this? Who has the right to judge? If all the lefties from the left coast win next year and each says something about the presidential race in their acceptance speech, what will happen?

Labels:

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The irresistible lure... of shoes

What is it with shoes, even just a pile on the floor, that draws a crowd like this?



Picture taken in China a few months ago.

Labels:

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

YouTube video of the inside of a hard disk

I along with many other YouTubers have too been wondering what those clicking sounds really were. Interesting video.





I didn't think the disk head movement was so dramatic.

Labels: